So lately I’ve tried to think of something to post, trying to think of something “important” or “insightful” to write, as if I have some invaluable wisdom that the world just can’t live without. You may know that I meet with a small group of guys every Friday morning for Bible study before work. Our church (HCC) calls this gathering of small groups Men’s Journey. Anyway, for the last few weeks my MJ group has set weekly goals for ourselves. My goal has been to write various numbers of blog entries each week. The first week I ended up getting sick and could not focus on anything, so I give myself a pass there. But the rest of the time I have no excuse. Granted, this isn’t the first post that I’ve sat down to write, I just haven’t been able to think of anything to say. Not that I haven’t been thinking about topics. I have. In fact, I think I’ve tried too hard.
I heard a song on the radio on the way to work the other morning, and it all kind of fell into place. That song was “Word of God Speak” by MercyMe. These are the opening lyrics:
“I’m finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it’s okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say”
Wow. Reality check. Ego check. But it’s true. Sometimes – often times – I lose sight of the goal of this blog, which is to glorify God above all else. Yes, I enjoy writing. I love the satisfaction I get from finishing what I know is a good post. I like the challenge of arranging a post in what I think is the most effective way, or figuring out the most engaging way to phrase my thoughts, feelings, and opinions. Though it can sometimes be intimidating, I love the fact that (sometimes) other people read what I have to say. But I need to remember that what I find most fulfilling (as if this is even about what fulfills me) is when I sit down to use my God-given gift of writing to allow Him to use me to convey whatever message He desires.
Recently I’ve struggled to recognize God’s presence in my life and in His voice in my heart. I’m not going through a period of winter in my faith in the sense of believing in God, nor do I think that I ever will. But I do think that I have gone through a period of winter (or maybe just late autumn) in my faith in a different way, in the sense of simply believing God, of being able to have patience and to trust in His plan. In the oft-quoted verse Jeremiah 29:11, God tells us “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I don’t doubt the truth of this statement, as I wholeheartedly believe that all of Scripture is inspired by the inerrant Word of God, but lately I’ve found myself not fully placing my trust in God and trying to figure out my problems and worries on my own. It seems that I have lost focus on the lesser-quoted following verses Jeremiah 29:12-14 where God tells us “‘Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord.” Let me repeat that sentence one more time, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” … Hmmm. I have found it increasingly difficult to focus my attention and energy on spending time in the Word, let alone any specific Bible study. I even feel that my prayers, while still heartfelt, have become dry, automatic one-way communication of me talking to God, but not truly listening to or for His response. No wonder I have had such difficulties with my writing lately.
The other day I made it a point to start back in on a study of the book of Daniel and spent time in the Word and working on the study guide over my lunch break at work. It’s no small coincidence that I was able to write this post without much difficulty. God is good, all the time. A new class just started tonight out at HCC that I will be participating in for the next 8 weeks that focuses on the new John Eldredge book Beautiful Outlaw by John Eldredge. This book focuses on the humanity and personality of Jesus so that we can know him more fully and worship him more effectively. I am incredibly excited to read this book and watch the corresponding videos. I’m sure this class will provide an abundance of writing material for me in the days to come. All I know is that getting back into the habit of spending time with God both by reading Scripture and by taking this class has me feeling rejuvenated in faith, which can only lead to being inspired to finally write more. But most importantly is I feel like I’m coming out of hibernating through the winter, into the dawning of a new spring time with a renewed faith blossoming within me and the knowledge that yes, these times will happen, but that He will always bring me back home at the right time in accordance with His plans for me.
Reborn & Remade 
Nicely done, Bob! We all suffer from these mini-winters, but I’m glad you sat down and let the words come. I too, have been attempting to keep a daily journal. While I get tremendous satisfaction from it and feel infinitely closer to God, somehow I am drawn to other, more frivolous endeavors. I’ll be looking for more in the near future!
Thanks John! It’s been a struggle lately to get a post completed. Lots of good thoughts for topics and maybe an opening paragraph or two, but then it just kind of dries up. Of course, like you say, those frivolous endeavors aren’t helping – unless God somehow decides to use Call of Duty to inspire me to write, that is. Good luck with your own writing!